


It's only a love potion

by Redleaveshavefallen



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Comedy, Friendship makes Hubert weak and foolish, Hubert almost dies but its ok he's fine, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, bc I find it funny, post A support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redleaveshavefallen/pseuds/Redleaveshavefallen
Summary: Admittedly he might be looking down on love potions a bit, but Hubert has been dosed with poisons before and has managed to endure much higher stakes situations without rousing suspicions. This should be no different, regardless of how much he accidentally ingested; after all, it’s not like the symptoms are lethal.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 10
Kudos: 209





	It's only a love potion

“Hahahahaha, no way!! You did  _ what? _ ”

“It is truth!”   
  
Hubert sighed, not bothering to hide it from the small crowd parked in his office. He had no idea when his private quarters had become a casual place to ‘hang out’, but Dorothea, Caspar, and Petra didn’t seem to find his company (or his obligations) any obstacle to their merry making. Truthfully he was still processing that these people saw him as a friend rather than some unpleasant figure they were forced to share time with...and admittedly it was not a bad feeling, so he neglected to chase them out. Besides, he mused, it was only 10 minutes until he and Ferdinand were supposed to break for tea anyway.

He let their conversation flit in and out of his awareness as he busied himself with refreshing his poisons kit. Between the time constraints and the presence of his friends he couldn’t attend to any classified documents, but checking his small collection of emergency poisons was a small task he had been meaning to do. The ‘kit’ in question was a box with numerous small vials inside, all organized and labeled in case he needed something specific on short notice. Sleep serums, truth serums, deadlier and more torturous things...He checked them all to see if any had expired past the point of potency, examining each one and writing the names of any he needed to brew new doses of.

“...it was hilarious!” Caspar’s voice, loud and clear as it always was, caught Hubert’s attention. “Lindhardt was trying to write me a note while the professor was lecturing, and he ended up just writing everything they were saying instead! And he didn’t even notice!” He put on his best Lindhardt face, beginning a mocking impression of the note: “Caspar, tonight I want you to  _ in battle we should always be vigilant of the skies and watch out for pegasi _ .”

Dorothea and Petra laughed when Caspar shifted his impression halfway through to copy the professor’s deadpan delivery, his face morphing into something comical.  


“Oh, that reminds me; do either of you ever zone out while going through a routine and start mixing things up? Yesterday I put soap on my toothbrush without thinking about it.” Dorothea’s face twisted with disgust at the memory. “My friends used to tell me about how their families would force them to wash their mouths with soap as a punishment for bad language, but I never realized how revolting it would actually be.”

“Ah, there are times I have been almost brushing my teeth with my hairbrush!” Petra grinned. “Luckily I have noticed in time.”

Hubert took a sip of his coffee as he listened, letting his busywork sit to the side. The conversation didn’t progress much further before Ferdinand burst into the room, everyone turning to look at him.

“Hubert, I have come for our appointment! Though I see you have already started drinking your beverage of choice.” Ferdinand took a second to frown at the mug on Hubert’s desk, before quickly getting distracted by the others all greeting him at once.

….Mug on his  _ desk _ ?

Hubert, horror dawning over him, looked at the vial in his hand that he had just unknowingly drunk from. Although he had only taken a sip, poisons like these were usually meant to be administered in droplets; he had likely ingested multiple doses. He quickly checked the name on the vial, a mix of emotions coursing through him as he recognized the scientific term for what was commonly known as a ‘love potion.’

He always forgot he had this in the kit. It could be useful for interrogations and other matters of espionage, but Hubert usually preferred to use more fear-based tactics in his work. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d used this particular vial, and was just as unsure as to where the cure to it might be…

“Hubert?”

He looked up, realizing the chatter had ceased. Ferdinand had probably just asked if he was ready to go on their break.

Four pairs of eyes all pointed toward him, eyes that respected him and trusted his capabilities and deigned him, of all things, a  _ friend _ . Would he really stop in front of them all and admit he needed a moment to find an antidote for the poison he ingested while being distracted by them?

Hubert stood from his desk, stubbornly set in his resolve. He had been dosed with poisons before, and had proven more than a few times that he could manage to endure short appointments without causing alarm. What he took was not harmful, and besides, it was a  _ love potion _ . It’s not as if Ferdinand would be taking advantage of his vulnerable state to pry out his secrets. It would be fine.

“Yes, just give me a moment to put this away. It would not do to leave poisons out in the open.”

  
  


They made their way to the gardens, Hubert monitoring his condition as they walked. While fast-acting, the effects would not be immediate...though because of the dosage he took, all the symptoms would likely be powerful once they appeared. He steeled himself as they approached their usual spot, Ferdinand stepping away momentarily to prepare their drinks.

Ferdinand always put so much care into matching their individual preferences, brewing each with an attention to detail that Hubert appreciated. He still remembered when they had started making these tea breaks a regular ordeal, and how Ferdinand had insisted he learn how to brew coffee to Hubert’s tastes. And here he was doing it again, now with perfect ease. The delicate movements of the task suited him well, as regal as he was, as did the sunlight catching his hair and lighting up the edges of his features…

Oh, Ferdinand was staring at him. Had he asked another question?

“Apologies, I was lost in thought. Care to repeat yourself?”

“It appears as though I have to!” Ferdinand frowned in impatience, although Hubert could tell it was mostly in jest. He picked up the trays he had prepared and carried them over to their table, setting them down between them. “I was asking what you felt about all our friends chatting in your workspace earlier. You were not the one who invited them in, were you?”

“Of course not. They all independently decided to pay me a visit, then found each other on the way and decided to make a day of it.”

Ferdinand laughed and Hubert forgot how to breathe. He felt his lungs stutter and heart squeeze as if clenched within a fist: the sound literally took his breath away. It was legitimately painful, enough that he barely contained the urge to grip at his chest.

Ferdinand seemed to notice his momentary displeasure, concern shining in his eyes. “Hubert?”

With horror, Hubert felt a full body shiver travel through him. Saints, just from the sound of Ferdinand saying his name? Humiliation burned through him, and he could only hope it didn’t also colour his face.

“Hubert, are you alright?” Now Ferdinand sounded  _ very _ worried; they hadn’t even poured their drinks yet and Hubert was already making a mess of this. No matter, he’d manage to save this somehow.

“I’m fine Ferdinand, it was just a passing chill. Pay it no mind.” He took the pot with his coffee and poured, praying the hot drink would help him feel more grounded. “Now where was I? They were having the most inane conversation right before you arrived. Did they mention it when you came in?”

And so their time together continued. Hubert theorized it would be easier to navigate the symptoms he was suffering if he dominated the conversation and kept Ferdinand’s responses to a minimum: if Ferdinand contributed nothing, then there would be nothing to react to. It was simple, working around this pesky potion. He recalled everything he could of the conversation he heard earlier before moving on to other topics of interest throughout the monastery, his many connections working in his favor. There wasn’t a single line of gossip that had gotten past him; Hubert couldn’t remember talking this much in his entire life.

“I’ve heard some say that she is surprisingly strong on horseback, though I don’t expect a member of the kitchen staff would find many opportunities to go out riding. Regardless, I don’t imagine it could compare to your skill in that area.”

“Hubert, did I not say to put all your compliments in writing?” Ferdinand smiled fondly, the sight nearly choking the air from Hubert’s throat. He carefully kept his next words from sounding as strangled as he felt.

“You’re right, I don’t know what came over me.” He took a sip of his coffee, if only to help his throat not feel constricted and dry. “Speaking of our staff, the gatekeeper mentioned that many have been spotted heading into town, supposedly to catch a glimpse of some rumoured beauty. Apparently this person is gorgeous enough that talk started spreading as soon as they entered the area, and now everyone feels the need to go out and see them for themselves...though I’m sure it’s yet another area in which they couldn’t hold a candle to you.”

“What?”

Hubert paled. “Did I say that last part out loud?”

“You did. You think I’m...beautiful?”

“I mean, of course. But as an objective fact, not a personal opinion. Anyone can tell you’re beautiful.” Heavens above, how did he get himself to stop babbling? The words kept flowing out despite himself. He felt his temperature climb higher and higher, and he was surely sweating as he boiled alive inside his body. “But I’m supposed to keep this on paper, aren’t I? Not that I do, I mean. Write how beautiful you are. I’m not sure where I’d find all the paper.” He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. “Did I really just say that? I can’t believe myself…”

His head was swimming, the heat in his body rising far beyond the normal flush the potion likely meant to emulate. He was dizzy with a mix of heatstroke, humiliation, and how overwhelming Ferdinand von Aegir was. Just looking at him was enough to overstimulate every one of his senses.

Hubert rose from his chair, shakier than he would have liked. He needed to place his hands on the table to keep himself steady. “I should excuse myself, I’m not in my right mind. Please forget everything I just said.”

“Hubert, please explain what is happening!”

“I will not. Sorry to cut our meeting short, you know I’d do anything to stay with you longer—dammit, Hubert!” Snapping at himself, Hubert momentarily lost his balance and wobbled dangerously. Ferdinand shot out to steady him, and Hubert pulled away as if he had been shocked.

“You are obviously not well! Let me escort you to your room!”

“I don’t need an escort, please do not touch me!” He could feel his pulse pounding through him so strongly he feared his heart might burst, and there was plenty of reason to fear it might. He had to find that antidote, and fast. Righting himself again, he began taking steps out of the garden, but got no further before Ferdinand once again was reaching out to help him.

“I _beg_ of you, have mercy on me.” The words came out choked, desperate; he could feel his heart  _ burning _ , the heat and pain coursing through his veins.

“Let me help you!”

“Ferdinand, I swear you will be the literal death of me!”

Hubert ripped himself from the man’s hold and raced toward his private quarters, unable to hear anything over the roaring in his ears. He should have stayed calm, should have come up with a suitable excuse, but it was just so hard to think of anything but Ferdinand and the panic flooding through his body.

It was only when he reached his room that he realized Ferdinand had been chasing him the whole way. They both clambered into the room, and Hubert gave up on kicking him out—surely he couldn’t do much more damage before he found the cursed antidote.

“Hubert, I demand you tell me what is going on!”

Hubert pushed past him, jumping behind his desk so he could dig through his things. Most spymasters kept their antidotes with their poisons kit, but he wasn’t most spymasters: he never expected to cure any poisons he gave.

“I accidentally dosed myself with one of my poisons before our meeting. I thought I would be alright but it seemed I was mistaken.” 

“You—how do you accidentally dose yourself with  _ poison _ ?”

“I was distracted. And if you value your life, you will never speak a word of this to another soul.” 

Ferdinand seemed at a loss for words, which suited Hubert just fine. He continued tearing through his things.

“What kind of poison was it?”

Hubert kept searching.

“Hubert, what kind of poison did you take?”

At last he found it, buried all the way in the back behind all the more useful antidotes. He wrenched off the stopper, measured an appropriate dose (and a bit extra, just in case), and slammed it down his throat.

Then he sat down in his chair and slumped forward, defeated. “It was a love potion.”

Ferdinand’s mouth hung open. “A...love potion?

Hubert put his head in his hands. “Please don’t make this any more embarrassing than it already is.”

“Does a love potion truly count as poison?”

“You have no idea. Love, as I have long suspected, is one of the worst poisons there is.” 

Just saying the word _love_ made his heart clench painfully. No longer caring to hide it, he let the pain twist up his features and heard Ferdinand’s sharp intake of breath.

“I’ve never seen you like this. Your strange comments make sense now, but why would a love potion cause you such pain?”

“I took quite an... exorbitant dose.” He forced his face to relax, focusing on the pounding of his heartbeat as he willed it to slow. The obvious care in Ferdinand’s voice did not help. “As I said, I was distracted. It was a mistake I would normally never make.”

Ferdinand nodded, sitting down in a chair. “I believe you. Admittedly, and I hope you forgive me for this, it is a little amusing to see you bested so thoroughly by something you boast so proudly about. Haven’t you said on numerous occasions that you built an immunity to most poisons?”

“Salt in the wound, Ferdinand.” Hubert smiled wryly, though it sat uncomfortably upon his face. “This is one I never cared to think much of.”

“Of course, if you ever showed any amount of affection you’d know at once something was wrong.” Ferdinand laughed lightly, and Hubert was happy to feel his insides only shake a little. “Tell me, what was it like being in love with me?”

“Absolutely dreadful. You’re stunning on a regular day, but to magnify your charm tenfold—” Hubert cut himself off, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Ferdinand, I request that you ask no more leading questions, for the sake of my dignity.” 

“O-of course. The antidote has not taken effect?”

“It is not instantaneous, no.” Hubert let out a long suffering sigh. “I had wrongly assumed that you would be the best case scenario in terms of this situation, but I could not have been more wrong. You are simply too...it is just too easy to...you…” He made a frustrated hand motion at Ferdinand’s everything, his face having coloured an angry red.

Ferdinand merely chuckled, though his face was starting to colour as well. “You hold me in rather high esteem.”

The words came unbidden, and Hubert wasn’t sure if it was the last of the potion or genuine sincerity when he admitted, “more than you know.”


End file.
